MYTHS & EXCUSES.
Written in response to David Hockney's letter to the Guardian, printed 1st June 2004.

1) You're invading my civil liberty by imposing your will on me.

Bollocks. You lock yourself in your yellowing, smelly, dank home and smoke yourself to death at my pleasure. But don't you impose your foul-smelling, filthy, harmful fag smoke onto me. I have as much right to enjoy a meal, a social event or a game of snooker without YOUR disgusting habit being imposed on me.

2) There's no evidence that passive smoking is harmful.

Actually there is a huge amount of evidence to suggest that it is harmful and you do not know that it ISN'T harmful. Why would any sane individual wish to gamble the health of innocent strangers around them? This is a limp defence by people who are too feeble-minded and weak to take responsibility for the harm that they place in others' way and quit their wasteful, disgusting habit.

3) Smoking actually contributes a net-gain to the exchequer when you compare tax-revenue raised to cost on the NHS.

How wonderful. Maybe we should legalise and tax heroin, get half the population hooked and then plough the cash into another fucking war? What sort of flat view do you have of your selfish behaviour? "It's OK that I'm pissing off people in the same room as me, imposing on their wish to enjoy their meal without coughing my foul nicotine and chocking the air their kids are breathing because I've contributed more in tax then I've cost the country - bugger everyone who's sick or dying as a direct or indirect result of my unproductive habit."

4) I need to unwind; smoking helps this and calms my nerves.

CHICKEN AND EGG. You wouldn't need to smoke to calm your nerves if you weren't addicted to your cancer-sticks in the first place you fool. So, why don't you and your yellow-toothed mates waste hours every day smoking and chatting rather than working? After all, your non-smoking colleagues can keep your firm running whilst you're puffing tar into your lungs.

5) When I was young we didn't know it was dangerous.

Well you do now. So stop making excuses, shut up and quit.

6) Banning the sale of cigarettes will simply hand the business over to the mafia - you can't stop people doing what they want.

Fine, well then we'll legalise all harmful acts to ensure that no criminal can profit from them. HOW NAIVE DO YOU HAVE TO BE? There is much evidence which points towards illegal tobacco smuggling carried out by the world's largest cigarette manufacturers - by buying their products you are already supporting the mafia.

7) It's my life - if I want to shorten it then that's my choice.

BUT IT ISN'T JUST YOUR LIFE YOU CONCEITED ARSE. You share public spaces - pubs, parks, clubs, restaurants - with others and your fags are stinking the place up. If you want me to afford you the respect to chose, then show me some respect and don't go puffing on your sick-making chokers when I'm around.