10 REASONS WHY YOU PISS ME OFF.
1) I cannot enjoy a game of snooker without coming out of the hall stinking - and I mean REEKING - of your filthy fags. If I wish to play then I have to factor in washing all my clothes, my body and hair upon returning home. As a smoker you don't realise just how foul you smell and how disgusting it is for a non-smoker to have to smell the same way.

2) I cannot enjoy a nice meal at my local Chinese without suffering your filthy smoke wafting over my salt and pepper ribs. I'M EATING HERE YOU SELFISH SCUM.

3) You even stink up a nice walk. If I take a stroll in a built-up area, it's bad enough that I have to put up with the mixture of pollution from lazy bastards in cars and inefficient manufacturing practices, without a cloud of your death-puff wafting in my face. You wouldn't like it if, for instance, Sir Perigrine Worsthorne farted in your face. Well I dislike your filthy output too.

4) I cannot socialise with friends and colleagues without suffering your selfish stench. Smoke free areas can help a little, but few pubs and clubs have such areas or take this seriously and how many clouds of smoke do you know that can read "No Smoking" signs? You're fucking up my social life so that you can indulge in your putrid behaviour.

5) You stink. I mean just getting close enough to talk to you is unpleasant. Your breath is foul and stale and makes me want to retch. And looking at your yellow teeth and sagging, haggard face isn't particularly nice, either.

6) You're an irritable, highly-strung bastard. You can't even cope with a 2 hour train journey without breaking the law and having a fag in the toilets or in between the carriages. If you did, you'd probably end up beating up the guard or clawing the fabric from the seats. Can't you see what a selfish dickhead your habit makes you? It's not a freedom If you've not got the strength to hold off for 2 hours. Admit it: you're a PRISONER of the fags. In claiming that you're expressing a personal freedom you're only fooling yourself.

7) Stop fucking moaning about being short of cash you stupid twat. You spend £5+ per day on a packet of fags. That's nearly TWO GRAND A YEAR. You'll nag your boss for a similar-sized wage rise, but you won’t stop pouring cash down the carzy in pursuit of your unproductive, wasteful habit, will you? Or spend the money on decent, healthy food for yourself or your kids. So quit marching for lower university fees - just STOP SMOKING YOU MONG.

8) I do not want to sleep with a filthy, putrid, stinking smoker who, after a crap shag in an itchy, filthy flat, turns over to light up a fag. You're neither sexy, nor attractive and I have no desire to spend time with you.

9) Your filthy piles of fag-ends piled on the city streets proves that you're all totally anti-social, selfish, litter bugs who truly don't give a toss about other people or the environment which you share with them. Christ, your dirty butts are now starting to poison our seas, you tossbags.

10) Your claim that, in being allowed to pollute my air, you are empowered with freedom of expression, is a fallacy. Not only are you being manipulated by the addiction itself, but many of the politicians who so cynically claim/have claimed to speak for the health of our nation are, themselves, part of the tobacco business. You are doing their bidding.